The Map That Knows Where You'll Find Love

This is my personal astrocartography map. It supposedly shows where the different planetary energies from my birth chart are strongest. According to astrocartography enthusiasts, you can use it to help decide where to live, travel, work, or even start important life chapters.

The map was created by Astrocartography AI. All I had to do was enter my date of birth and the site automatically generated this interactive world map showing the “planetary energies” at the exact time of my birth.

Of course, to my untrained eye an astrocartography map just looks like a number of random lines criss-crossing the globe. Luckily for me, Astrocartography AI comes with a built-in assistant that can interpret the map for you. For example, according to the AI I should move to Karachi to boost my career:

“With both the Sun and Venus on your career line, you are seen as a charismatic leader. Karachi is where you shine brightest, attracting both authority and social favor.”

Honestly, I have never before considered moving to Pakistan. The U.S. Department of State Travel Advisories Map currently advises travelers to reconsider visiting Pakistan as it “contains areas with higher security risk.” But if moving to Pakistan is what it takes to save my career, then so be it.

Unfortunately, if I want to find love, my “marriage line” suggests I should instead move to Auckland. This is where I will:

“…find it much easier to draw people toward you. It’s a place where relationships feel balanced and beautiful.”

Naturally, it turns out my soul-mate is living on the exact opposite side of the planet.

Finally, if I want a happy home life, the AI suggests relocating to Chicago, my supposed “Sanctuary Zone.” According to the site, this is where I’m most likely to find:

“a large, lucky, and joyful home life.”

Chicago is where the stars say I will finally settle down and build a stable domestic life. Presumably, as a newly arrived immigrant, this will be in one of the nice ICE detention facilities I’ve been reading so much about.