How to Avoid Cancerous Wind Power

While speaking at the National Republican Congressional Committee the Orange Supremacist of the United States claimed that the noise from wind turbines causes cancer. This has rightly caused panic in America and Trump voters across the country have been mobbing stores in a desperate search for cancer-cancelling headphones.

But don't worry! You don't need cancer-cancelling headphones. In response to the bewildered, golden-helmeted moron's news that Wind Turbines CAUSE cancer the USGS has rushed out a map showing the location of every wind turbine in the USA. The U.S. Wind Turbine Database shows onshore & offshore wind turbine locations in the United States. The map visualizes 57,636 turbines, which combined have a total rated capacity of 89,197 MW. That is a lot of cancer!

At this point all you can really do is memorize the location of all 58,449 wind turbines and close your ears when you approach one. If you are unfortunate enough to live within earshot of one of these wind turbines I advise you to just ignore the demented ramblings of the brain-damaged baboon with the radio-active spay tan.


Scientists are actually only in the very early stages of research into how noise from wind turbines causes cancer. We therefore cannot be 100% certain that it is the noise from wind turbines which is causing cancer. It could be the noise of the wind itself which is the source of the cancer. Therefore we need a map which shows us where all the cancerous wind is across the globe.

The Technical University of Denmark and the World Bank have worked together to create a tool for potential wind energy. The Global Wind Atlas is designed to visualize the potential for wind power generation across the globe. The map uses both mesoscale and microscale modeling in order to help utilize wind energy.

The Global Wind Atlas can provide wind resource information for individual countries & regions or you can use the drawing tools to view wind resource data for a custom defined area. This wind data includes information on power density, wind direction and wind speed. Unfortunately it doesn't include any information on wind turbine noise cancer.