Friday, March 21, 2014

How to Avoid Hipster Social Suicide


Over the last few years I have found it more and more difficult to avoid the social embarrassment of being spotted in a hipster pub or bar. It is an unfortunate fact of modern life that the nicer a drinking establishment is then the more likely it is to be suddenly overrun by this plague of modern inner-city society.

Luckily however I have discovered that no-one else actually wishes to risk the social suicide of being seen in a hipster venue. It is therefore very easy to spot a hipster bar or pub by being able to recognize the disguises worn by the embarrassed patrons.

On first entering a pub you should look very closely at all the customers. If all the young men are wearing ridiculous false beards you should make as quick an exit as is humanly possible. The danger with this method however is that you may still be spotted leaving the hipster bar. It would therefore be much better if you actually had a hipster map that allowed you to avoid entering these traps of social suicide in the first place.


Luckily if you live in the Australian city of Melbourne you now have such a map. The Hipster Map of Melbourne is a handy guide to venues that you wouldn't want to be seen dead in.

The map includes a number of categories, which means that if you are looking for somewhere to eat, drink or buy clothes in Melbourne you now have a handy map of places to avoid.


The rating and review service Yelp has also released a Google Map that can show you where the hipsters hangout in your city.

The Yelp Wordmap is a series of heatmaps of common words used in Yelp reviews. One of the words is 'hipster' which means you can use the map to avoid being seen in a hipster venue. If you select 'hipster' from the available words in the map sidebar and then select a city (from a choice of 14 cities worldwide) you can view a heatmap of where the hipsters hangout in your town.

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